If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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