Say something about gay babies.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
