evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
