if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
