Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
