Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
