Kiss
Puke
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
