but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
