somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize