You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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