Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
