Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
