Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
