I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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