I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
