I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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