Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
