i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
