Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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