yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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