Can Purell be used as lube?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
