i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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