I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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