Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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