Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
