Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
MIDGETS
????
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
