apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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