we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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