I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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