hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They took my balls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
