Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
