Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
