I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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