Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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