How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
