So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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