I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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