TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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