If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We left the knife in your bed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
