Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
