I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
