Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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