I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
