Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
