my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
