he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
