My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
