There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
