When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
