Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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