I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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