someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
