She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
