well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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