Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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