u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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