no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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