HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
