She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize