who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
