Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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