Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
