Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
