so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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