.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
