theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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