I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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